Taken for granted

I think I'm a happy person. I like to make people laugh and smile, that I tend to forget all my pains inside. It's a good thing.

When people smile and laugh, I feel the same way. I feel so genuinely happy that they laugh and smile at me, even if I'm the joke.

But sometimes when I'm too happy, I feel that people take my pains for granted. They feel that i don't hurt, in fact I do. The image of my happiness makes them feel this way. It's a bad thing.

Whenever I'm alone, I tend to think too much. I think about all my insecurities and stuff.

Inside, i have so many things I want to say and want to express. But I just don't show it on the outside. Because I'm always happy, it's "weird" to see me sad. The fact that it's "weird" to see me sad makes me sadder. Why can't I have the right to be sad?

I know that there will be many obstacles in life but I just wish they don't exist. I wish I can drop out of school and not study. I wish I was born from a rich family. I wish I could stop worrying about my parents' health. I wish for so many other things. I wish it will all come true.

I know that it's life to go over all these obstacles. But Satan is too mean. Why is he inflicting so much pain on us too? Why is he creating misunderstandings between friends, families and strangers?

Why can't everyone be borne the same. This way life would be so much better. Im so sick and tired of comparing my life to others.

I WANT TO BE POSITIVE ONCE AGAIN

this is the first time I'm actually feeling so confused and mixed up actually..... I've never felt that way before too. Guess life's getting harder as we grow older...